Kobe’s 81: A Re-telling by Jalen Rose

If you’re not familiar with Grantland, you should be. They’ve recently put together this video, an insightful explanation of how the crap the Raptors allowed Kobe Bryant to score 81 points on that fateful day in 2006. It’s already one of the most embarrassing moments in Raptor history, but somehow Jalen’s commentary, and the lovely animations, make it easier to take.

 

I love the “inept Raptor #4” character who appears at 1.49. I also love the exchange at 2:18…

Interviewer: “Why didn’t you guys double team him?”
Jalen: “That’s a great question.”

Good times.

Raptors Prove They Are Just As Good At Losing In The Off-Season

“You weren’t seriously going to sign in Toronto, were you Steve?”

For a few dizzy weeks, it all made sense.

He’s Canadian. He just got that job as GM of Canada Basketball. He’s got the Colangelo connection. He’s not the type to put winning a championship ahead of helping to build a franchise.

And then, pesky old reality had to rear its ugly head. And if you know anything about reality, you know that it hits you hard. Nash has joined the storied LA Lakers, and suddenly, we feel a bit stupid for ever believing that Nash would come here.

The fact that the Raptors threw so much money at Nash just adds to the feeling that we’re the nerd who thought the cool kid would show up to his party:

    Nerd: Hey, so are you gonna come by this weekend?

    Cool Kid: Uh…yeah, sure, where is it again?

    Nerd: On Bay Street, right close to where you live. Jose and Andrea are bringing Settlers of Catan and some Bud Light Lime…It’s gonna be great! You should totally come!

    Cool Kid: Yeah, that sounds awesome…I’ve got this thing at Amare’s house that I have to swing by first, and I just got an email from Kobe that I should probably respond to…you know how it is, right?

    Nerd: Sounds like a yes to me! (*immediately calls friends and tweets excitedly that Steve is coming to his party*)

And so, the Nash-in-Toronto fairy tale ends before it even started, leaving us to ponder this quote by the Globe and Mail’s Jeff Blair: “If Canada’s top player doesn’t want to sign with Toronto, who would?”

Oh, and if you’re looking for a punchline, remember that the greatest Canadian basketball player in history turned down Canada’s only franchise to sign with an American team on…

…the 4th of July.

You’re welcome, Los Angeles.

……aaaaaaaand we’re back.

Mama always said that if it seems too good to be true, it probably is.

Just yesterday, I was basking in the glory of a 12-point Raptor win over the Celtics. And then this afternoon, after trailing by 16, Toronto came back against the Lakers to build a 4-point lead with only a minute remaining.

“I can’t believe it…we’re going to beat the Celtics and the Lakers back-to-back! This is too good to be…” And before I could finish the thought, this happened:

 

Sigh.

But let’s look on the bright side. It was a great game. An exciting finish. And hey, it’s not like Kobe Bryant has embarrassed the Raptors before. Oh, wait.

You’re welcome, Kobe.