Worst. Road Trip. Ever.

Posted: December 11, 2012 in Uncategorized
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Not all road trips are joyful romps filled with laughter and puppet shows. Especially not when they're Raptors road trips.

Not all road trips are joyful romps filled with laughter and puppet shows. Especially not when they’re Raptors road trips.

As road trips go, it’s not one the Raptors will want to remember.

Following a win at home against Phoenix on the last day of November, the Raptor family was on a high, feeling relatively good about their big trip out west. They piled in the car, loaded up the suitcases, and Papa Casey asked if anyone had to use the bathroom before they left.

What followed was a hot, frustrating, disappointing family vacation of epic proportions. They argued over directions, Jose and Kyle were constantly bugging each other in the back seat, and the a/c stopped working shortly after Hamilton.

When the dust settled and the rusty Raptormobile sputtered back into the driveway, the numbers weren’t pretty: 5 straight losses, an average of 109 points allowed, and a rebound differential of -42. In last night’s horrible finale, the opposing Trail Blazers set a record for worst 3-point shooting (0 for 20), and still beat the Raptors by 18 points!

But hey, it could have been worse. It took a bit of digging, but I managed to find a few road trips that make this one seem not quite so bad:

  1. Napoleon’s trip to Russia in 1812. He set out with about 400 000 soldiers. About 1% made it back. So by comparison, Toronto’s trip wasn’t so bad; we only lost Bargnani and Lowry to injury, and Amir Johnson to apparent insanity.
  2. The movie “Crossroads” starring Britney Spears. Released in 2002, this road-trip-themed stinker was supposed to be Britney’s transition to the big screen. One reviewer’s take: “I never looked at my watch so often during a movie.” At least the Raptors’ road trip was entertaining.
  3. Andrew Thomas’ failed Orlando crime spree. In 2010, Thomas was frustrated that he couldn’t buy individual cigarettes from a 7-Eleven. He decided to stick it to the man by robbing every convenience store in sight, armed with a BB gun. Unfortunately, he left his driver’s license on the counter at the first place he robbed. Police caught him quickly.

So, all in all, it could have been worse. But it’s a safe bet that the team is relieved to be back home for an extended home stand to close out 2012. And 2012, make no mistake, is a year all Raptor fans will be happy to see fade into the rearview mirror.

Are we there yet?


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