Posts Tagged ‘Bobcats’

The Pain Of Losing To The Bobcats

Posted: March 21, 2013 in Uncategorized
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The Charlotte Bobcats have spent the last two seasons setting a new standard for futility. And yet…they keep beating the Raptors. Charlotte has a measly 23 wins over the past two seasons combined (by way of comparison, Miami has 24 wins in the last 11 weeks). And yet, of Charlotte’s 23 wins, four of them have come against the Raptors.

How does it feel when the worst team in the league has your number? Let’s take a moment to really understand, to really own the pain of losing so frequently to the Bobcats.

  • It’s like losing a dance competition to a pile of wet newspapers.
  • It’s like trying to outrun a tree, but running face-first into it by accident.
  • It’s like your girlfriend dumping you for another girl, not because she’s gay, but because “it’s worth a shot.”
  • It’s like losing the Science Fair to Ralph Wiggum.
  • It’s like somehow managing to be below dirt on the food chain.
  • It’s like being demoted from “guy-who-cleans-the-toilet-with-a-toothbrush” to “guy-who-cleans-the-toothbrush”.

I know, I know. It’s a late-season game that means nothing. We’re playing to develop our younger players. But here’s the thing: it’s a meaningless game for the Bobcats, too. They’re playing to develop talent just like we are. They’re spreading the minutes around, letting bench guys have their late-season auditions. And they’re doing a better job of it too; in last night’s game, Charlotte’s bench outscored Toronto’s bench 54-13.

I won’t even begin to contemplate what it means when the bench of the worst team in the league outscores you that badly.

You’re welcome, Charlotte.

Yes, I have used this image before. But that’s because it’s the best image ever.

If you’ve missed the last three games, you’ve missed a hat-trick of suck from our hometown Raptors. So, if you’ve had better things to do, like just say, cleaning out the lint trap in your dryer, or if all your Torontonian sports energy has been devoted to a week of Grey Cup hoopla, here’s what you missed in Raptorland:

1. A one-point loss to the Bobcats on Wednesday. The painful part was the way the refs handed Charlotte the win. The NBA admitted that the officials missed a foul call in the dying seconds that would have given the Raptors a trip to the line. They were careful to add, however, that expecting anyone to watch a Raptors-Bobcats game that closely is asking a lot, so we need to cut the refs some slack.

2. A one-point loss to the Pistons on Friday. Embarrassing because the Pistons are just as bad as the Raptors. Detroit managed to befoul the free-throw line in this one, hitting an ugly 57% from the stripe, but they still managed to win.

3. A double-OT loss to the Spurs today. This is heartbreakingly, mind-achingly, classic Raptors. Nobody expected them to even keep this game close. They manage to take it to overtime, giving fans just a glimmer of hope, before falling back to earth like so many Amir Johnson 3-point attempts. In keeping with the theme of threes, here are three embarrassing things to note about today’s game:

  • On this play, Tim Duncan collected the 2500th block of his career, good for 9th all-time. Yet another example of Toronto playing the role of red carpet to the league’s elite.
  • On this play, Manu Ginobili became an early contender for play-of-the-year, putting the ball through Derozan’s legs before going coast-to-coast for an and-1 layup.
  • Andrea “The Franchise” Bargnani shot a miserable 2-19. Reports from the ACC cleaning staff indicate that the stench of Bargnani’s shooting will take several days to clean.

So what do the next three games hold?

I don’t know. But I’m tired, and the lint trap in my dryer needs cleaning.

Frustrated by his team's inability to beat the Bobcats, Raptors guard Jerryd Bayless resorts to aggressive breakdancing.

The Charlotte Bobcats are widely acknowledged as the weakest team in the NBA. They have managed, as of today, only seven wins all season. And yet two of those wins have come against the Raptors. In fact, they have now beaten the Raptors six straight times. Ignoring for a moment the unpleasant thought of what it means when you can’t beat the league’s worst team, Saturday’s loss made me pause and forced me to try and analyze the bigger picture.

How is it that Charlotte manages to keep getting the best of us? How is it that 1983 dunk contest participant and compulsive traveller Corey Maggette is able to light us up for 21 points? How is it that name-of-the-year nominee Bismack Biyombo piles up 7 blocks against us? I’m tempted to say that it’s a simple case of “Rapception“, the phenomenon discussed previously on this blog. But I think there’s a simpler answer.

Why can’t the Raptors beat the Bobcats? Simple: karma.

To explain, we’ve got to travel back in time to March 24th, 1996, exactly 16 years ago this week, when this happened:

(Skip to 7:21 for the dramatic ending, when Michael Jordan hits a game-winning shot that gets waved off.)

That’s right: the 1995-96 Chicago Bulls, aka the greatest team of all-time, winners of 72 games in a single season, were beaten by the expansion Toronto Raptors. Michael Jordan hit the game-winner, but it didn’t count.

16 years later, guess who’s the majority owner of the Charlotte Bobcats?

That’s right: Michael Jordan.

It’s almost like a “Final Destination” thing. The Raptors had no business winning the game. Destiny wanted the Bulls to go 73-9 that season. Destiny wanted Jordan’s shot to count, but it was judged to have left his hands a split-second too late. And now, like all those poor saps who cheat death in the “Final Destination” movies, the Raptors continue to pay for that split-second all these years later.

So let’s take this as a good thing: it’s not Dwane Casey’s fault that Charlotte beat us again. It’s not Bargnani’s fault for shooting poorly, or James Johnson’s fault for playing like a zombie. The Raptors are powerless to beat Charlotte this season, until we find some way to break the MJ curse.

Stay tuned: the final installment in the Raptors-Bobcats 2012 trilogy is set for April 3rd, when the Bobcats bring their magical voodoo powers to the ACC.

 

Bottom o’ the barrel Top o’ the mornin’ to ye!

So the Charlotte Bobcats,  a team that has difficulty beating anyone, and probably couldn’t beat an Irishman in a sobriety test, has now beat the Raptors TWICE this season. The most recent occurrence was yesterday, St. Patrick’s day, when the Raptors (surprise!) let a big lead slip away in the third quarter, thanks in large part to beautiful shots like the one shown above.

You’re welcome, Charlotte.

Americans come to Canada for many reasons; our vibrant cities, our stunning wilderness, the better-looking side of Niagara Falls…but often they come to receive the medical attention that they cannot afford in their homeland.

Case in point: the Charlotte Bobcats.

Suffering from 16 straight losses, Charlotte was completely unresponsive at one point, able to communicate only by blinking and pressing a button to request food. There were those who thought Charlotte would never win again. There had been talk of putting Charlotte out of its misery. Until a caring doctor suggested a trip north of the border, in a last-ditch effort to get back into the “win” column.

And it worked. Without any serious challenge to their perimeter shooting, Charlotte’s offense regained confidence. They blocked shot after shot, regaining their defensive swagger. And who knows, maybe they were able to sneak away with a free DeMar DeRozan figurine. For a complete and in-depth report on how, exactly, the Raptors managed to cure Charlotte of their losing ways, go here.

In the meantime, rest easy with the knowledge that Canada’s much-lauded healthcare system and dedicated medical professionals have developed a cure for losing that is the envy of the basketball world.

You’re welcome, Charlotte.

Thought Of The Day

Posted: February 17, 2012 in Uncategorized
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