Raptors Review: After Sixty Games

An MLSE employee demonstrates the least painful way for Raptor fans to make it through the remainder of the 2011-2012 season.

Record:   21-39 (5-5 over the past 10)

High point: Winning three games in a row. A legit streak!

Low point: Being officially eliminated from the playoffs. You know it’s going to happen, but it still hurts.

Stuff I’ve Noticed:

–          Alan Anderson gets no respect. Check out his face on the nba.com game companion. That’s harsh.

–          I’m surprised by how much I miss Jerryd Bayless.

–          Buy a fresh pair of kicks and scrawl a 10-day contract on a napkin, and you too could be a starter!

Memorable Quote:

“It’s one of those days you don’t want to get out of your pajamas.”

-TV commentator Jack Armstrong sums up a less-than-exciting Sunday match-up between the Wizards and Raptors.

Math Proves What We Already Knew

Raptors + Playoffs = No.

It’s official: according to the standings on nba.com, the Raptors will not be playing in the 2012 playoffs. Despite being realistically eliminated on opening day, it was not until today, with a loss to the Oklahoma Thunder that the Raptors were mathematically out of playoff contention. Damn you, mathematics.

But it’s okay! There’s still lots you can do while watching upcoming Raptors games to keep you interested as the season enters the home stretch. Some suggestions:

• think of possible nicknames for Jonas Valanciunas (ex: “Big V”, “Jo-Val”, “The Lithuanian Leviathan”)
• make fun anagrams of players’ names (ex: Andrea Bargnani = Bandana Earring, Amir Johnson = Jam on Rhinos)
• take a drink every time Aaron Gray hits a field goal
• take a drink every time Aaron Gray misses a field goal (make sure you have someone to drive to the hospital)
• write a letter of apology to whoever we end up picking in the draft

See? There’s plenty to be excited about. If you have any other ideas, leave them in the comments, or email them to holycraptors@gmail.com